m0nday,

lets r0ll.

12:27 AM
a new page, a new chapter

i ended this chess game
i flipped the wh0le b0ard t0 st0p either side fr0m winning.




i disapp0int.
i hate.



i turned int0 s0me0ne i didn't kn0w.
i used meth0ds that i didn't kn0w i w0uld.
i turned int0 an0ther face i never knew.

i made pe0ple's life miserable.
i made a wr0ng step and c0ntiuned.

i dug my 0wn grave in s0me place i didn't kn0w.
i will disappear fr0m the faces 0f this earth.



s0 i ended it.
i am g0nna take all i can.


i need a sm0ke.
i sh0uld just be quiet and die.

i br0ke 1 and im trying t0 break the 0ther.
but i dunn0 h0w am i g0nna d0 it.







lets find 0ut.
t0day.

12:26 PM
a new page, a new chapter

im the direct0r 0f this m0vie.
im the main act0r 0f this m0vie.
i am the start 0f every single pr0blem i had t0 face.


















i feel relentlessly guilty,
i wish that i can die the next day,













5 mins.
all i need is 5 mins t0 get a 5 mins 0f peace.
thats what im g0nna d0.

12:39 AM
a new page, a new chapter

i was refered t0o as a bl0ck 0f ice.

maybe i am,
i d0n't like t0 share my pr0blems.
i dunn0 why,

but im like that.
this w0rld is like that,

i face the facts 0f this w0rld as s0on i knew what the w0rld was ab0ut.
the teacher didn't teach us that this w0rld is cruel,
my mum didn't tell me that this w0rld w0uld help y0u in times 0f need.
my dad didn't say that he w0uld be there 0f everything i d0.

my br0ther simply d0esn't cares.


s0metimes facts are there t0 be faced.
reas0ns are meant f0r the living,
y0u c0uld just walk away,
turn a blind eye t0 what is happening ar0und y0u.

i c0uld left them t0 die,
i didn't.

i can turn my face 0ff like i d0n't care.
i didn't.

i can behave like a king, like what my br0ther d0es,
i didn't.

i can be like any 0ther kid, living 0ff my average parent, buying every single thing i want by asking them f0r m0ney.
i didn't.

i c0uld bang my head 0n the wall and kill myself,
i didn't.

i live my life,
i live it myself.









i hate this kind 0f p0st.
makes me feel like im trying t0 attract attenti0n.

11:10 PM
a new page, a new chapter

1 sentence f0r this day;


it sh0uld be sufficient answer f0r what i have been d0ing n0wadays;


"i have d0ne what i have n0t d0ne, yet whats left und0ne is what i left d0ne fr0m the start"

8:59 PM
a new page, a new chapter

w0ots.

tml 9 am class.
sh0uld i be late?
later that elaine teacher kills me again.

im tired.
very tired.

tml i have t0 head 0ver t0 ti0ng bahru again.
and im having sec0nds th0ughts of taking the license.
...

wah ka0-
life like that.


n0 $,
n0 life -.-

12:20 AM
a new page, a new chapter

ok.

i walked ar0und 0rchard f0r the 4th time this r0und.
and still c0uldn't find sh0es.

...

tml im heading d0wn t0 viv0,
with classmates,

s0 wh0 wanna c0me?

ha -

11:59 PM
a new page, a new chapter

I seri0usly,

d0n't kn0w,

h0w t0 pass this sem.

...

first,
the lecturers l0oks like a bunch 0f pe0ple wh0 failed their presentati0n skills.

"n0w i kn0w h0w my presentati0n l0oks like"

and the lecture halls have seat missing,
then air c0n n0t w0rking,
then dun need t0 scan card,


...
went t0 AMK hub just n0w,
with hadi,
c0lin,
Jc,
Ben ~
and shark.


c0lin has a seri0us sh0pping killing intent,
he grabs the cl0thes and try,
if n0t nice he d0n't buy,
then just leaves ~

haha-

then hadi?
cr0codile !
n0 size f0r the p0lo i wanted,
hadi wanted t0 buy the limited editi0n sh0rt pants and shirt.
haha-

and the t0p man hat.
l0l-

shark?
haha-

we left him behind at the game centre.
why?

he wanted t0 see game SO much,
and then he g0t l0st there,
then his ph0ne wasn't w0rking,
...

p0werful right?
s0 we decided t0 leave him behind.

had KFC ~
and hadi talked t0ns 0f crap.
haha,
c0lin and ben and Jc,
sh0uld kn0w.



tml full shift,
yay ~

10 am t0 11 pm ~

g0od lucks guys ~ bye ~

11:34 PM
a new page, a new chapter

i went t0 0rchard just n0w,
returning with a new bag fr0m f0ssil.




but when i came h0me,
i saw the price tag.


which gave me a suprise.
why?

it was t0ld t0 me that its $138,
s0 i paid and left.

until n0w,
i f0und a price tag,
indicating that it c0st 0nly $88 .


w0w,
i sent a email asking fr0m an answer,
haha-


anyway,
first day 0f sch0ol ~

real g0od,
late f0r 45 mins,
n0 text b0oks,
stuffy lecture hall,
and a w0nderful lecturer called elaine t0 p0int a laser at my head,



i w0nder whats f0r tml?
im w0rking at 10am,
and heading f0r less0n at 4.
hha





g0od night guys ~

12:30 AM
a new page, a new chapter

back-

Friday:

BBQ!

0k,
i suck at starting fire,
0r maybe hadi t0o.

gel fuel is useless,
i guess firestarters are better.
ha-

10 pe0ple turned up,
2 last min cann0t c0me;


we started the fire at ar0und 6.
and the fire finally burned at 8 -.-
s0 we c0oked and makan,

JC eats al0t,
peilin taba0-ed al0t ~
dun waste f0od eh ?
ha ~

after the fire burning and heating seesi0n;
s0 pe0ple went h0me,

s0,
shimin, Pauline, So0k Eng, Hadi and me,~

went f0r night cycling !
hadi is fearless,
even if the red and blue lights guy stopped us,
haha-

fr0m east c0ast,
we cycled to bet0k jetty,
then t0 changi arip0rt run way,
haha-

we saw l0ts 0f planes,
but 0ne particular plane flew 0ver 0ur heads when we were cycling,
and it very cl0se t0 us,
s0 we all was l0oking at the skies that night,

then went back and st0pped by the jetty again,
and started t0 l0ok at stars,
and hadi began his explanati0n 0f the n0rth star,
ha -

pit st0pped at a newly ren0vated place s0mewhere in east c0ast,
rest f0rawhile bef0re heading t0 24 h0ur mac t0 pit st0p again.

h0wever,
the girls were tired,

Hadi is n0t tired, my butt plain hurts but i can c0ntiune,
haha-
s0 we st0pped at the mac f0r 1 h0ur be4 headng back t0 the BBQ pit and sat by the beach,
did i fall asleep?
i f0rg0t,
haha

then cycle back t0 mac,
and waited until m0rning be4 we can return the bikes,


great day, great night, great friends~


Saturday:
came back fr0m the BBQ and bathe and then packed bef0re g0ing 0ut t0 w0rk,
haha -
i t0ok the walkie because i was SUPPOSE t0 be the event runner,
but then,
the event was cancelled,

-.-

1:05 PM
a new page, a new chapter

b0ring.

tml im g0nna g0 but the bbq stuffs.
i need pe0ple t0 help carry,
but i dun think anyb0dy will help.

hha.

0ff day!

sh0pping f0r new cl0thes f0r new sem,
ha~

bye!

1:24 AM
a new page, a new chapter

0k-

...


ben and jerry has a new flav0r.
dunn0 what "turtle" de ice cream.

n0pe its n0t turtle meat lah.

tml im heading d0wn early t0 w0rkplace.
zzz.

set up the functi0n with a malay legend,
f0r slacking.

.

died.

i f0und my keys.
that the 0nly g0od news f0r t0day.

i t0ld hadi and raven,
i w0uldn't h0n ki - ing in fr0nt 0f them.
hadi w0uld use jud0 t0 thr0w me.

haha-
raven?
he will hit me.

but due t0 the fact 0f much stress and mental thinking.
i br0ught back my 0ld habit.

l0l-
n0 im still a CS.

yar.
s0 dun w0rry raven, if y0u are reading it.


g0od night pe0ple.~
bye ~

12:21 AM
a new page, a new chapter

i l0st the keys;
wher are the keys?

i dunn0.
friday is c0ming!
bbq!

weE.

i g0t n0thing much t0 talk ab0ut anyway.




0h ya.
n0thing is damaged by the way.
im still in a piece.
still the same 0ld g0od biscuit.
still the 0ne winning the races against y0u.


ha-

12:37 AM
a new page, a new chapter

tired.

my eyes want t0 cl0se.

and the new ph0ne sucks the battery like its free =/
and i haben eat dinner.






LIFE.

1:02 AM
a new page, a new chapter

interesting.

i v0w t0 myself;
never t0 w0rk in R.I.T.W

in the ZOO.


NEVER.

i w0rked fr0m 10am t0 11 pm.
and the w0rkers at RITW is like ****.


0k en0ugh that.


i went t0 watch "sh0oter" with my w0rkplace friends.
and HADI was part 0f it.
yes.
the first m0vie f0r 5 years 0f time f0r him.

and after the m0vie i g0t a interesting reward i guess.
i f0und a D900.

if miss lishan is l0oking at this.
yar im g0nna be using the same ph0ne as y0u when sch0ol starts -.-

n0, y0u cann0t beat me.
LOL.



and i br0ught a Q versi0n 0f Gundam wing Zero.
im upl0ad the pic next time.

i g0tta sleep.
tml still g0t w0rk at 10.

l0l-
bye ~

12:46 AM
a new page, a new chapter

"i l0ok f0rward t0 my new sem"



i saw this as miss peilin's msn nick.
l0l-

s0 i decided t0 ask if I l0ok t0wards the new sem.
s0 the answer is:
wa ka la nai.

.
.

i 0nly kn0w the bbq is c0ming.
yay ~

i was digging inf0rmati0n 0ut 0f this pers0n.
s0 as t0 let me kn0w why this and that.

but a single questi0n still lies in my head,
whether the inf0rmati0n passed d0wn t0 me is true an0t.

argh
nvm lah .
wh0 cares.

g0od night pe0ple.




----
a 1000 w0rds.

12:57 AM
a new page, a new chapter

i g0t 0nly half an h0ur t0 surf the net everyday;
why?

bec0z my br0ther repaired his c0mputer.
0k.

ytd night;
i met up with the 0ld midnight birds;
but 2 0f them was s0 sleepy and tired.

i w0nder what they are d0ing every night;


and t0day?
i have t0 g0 early t0 w0rk  t0 c0unt the f0rks and sp0ons.
they asked us t0 d0 last night.
but i didn't want t0,
bec0s by the time i finished,
it w0uld already be 11 ++.
s0 might as well just g0 early.

s0 g0od bye and have a nice day (:


btw;
this s0ng is fr0m final fantasy X-2
sung by Jade fr0m sweet b0x.



s0ng: 1000 words.
lyrics:

I know that you're hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily

I acted so distant then
Didn't say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You'll fight your battles far from me
Far too easily

"Save your tears cause I'll come back"
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore
To hide the pain when I turn back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I'd cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart
But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart

Though a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
Crossing over the time and distance holding you
Suspended on silver wings

And a thousand words
One thousand confessions
Will cradle you
Making all of the pain you feel seem far away
They'll hold you forever

The dream isn't over yet
Though I often say I can't forget
I still relive that day
"You've been there with me all the way"
I still hear you say

"Wait for me I'll write you letters"
I could see how you stammered with your eyes to the floor
But still I swore to hide the doubt
When I turn back the pages
Anger might have been the answer
What if I'd hung my head and said that I couldn't wait
But now I'm strong enough to know it's not too late

Cause a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll fly to you
Even though we can't see I know they're reaching you
Suspended on silver wings

Oh a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of your weary days seem far away
They'll hold you forever

Oh a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
They'll carry you home and back into my arms
Suspended on silver wings ohhh

And a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll cradle you
Turning all of the lonely years to only days
They'll hold you forever

10:44 AM
a new page, a new chapter

final fantasy 13.
ps3.

but anyway.
i dun think i will have the ability t0 aff0rd 1 and play.
l0l-

g0od night.

12:41 AM
a new page, a new chapter

its interesting h0w i see a chess game being played;

h0w 2 guys trys t0 chase after a girl,
h0w they try t0 seek attenti0n 0f the girl.

im just a bystander th0u;
but my eyes are 0pen t0 see all this things happen everytime.

s0 it was b0ring at w0rk ytd;
i ask this girl;

why is it that she d0esn't want t0 acpt either 0ne 0f them.
s0 she gave me the reas0n 0f 1;

"gangster behaving."
0k.
this "mac" sm0kes and drinks;
g0 0ut late night and always sh0ut vulgaries.

but i can see that he was trying very hard 0n that game 0f chess.
news says that he has been waiting f0r 3 years.
ha-

s0metimes i really w0nder what the girl is thinking.








but wh0 cares=/
its n0t my game 0f chess.

my friend was supp0se t0 be "0n j0b training" t0day;
but his girlfriend called and t0ld me that he has high fever.

zzz.
time t0 g0 eat breakfast.
s0 have a g0od day ~




ps: t0 D2.
i figure that s0me 0f y0u might n0t read the thread 0r messages.
the BBQ is 0n 13th 0f april.
the preparati0n is 0n 12th.

venue is either pasir ris 0r east c0ast.
thats all.
y0ur attendance is what b0th 0f us need.
the budget WILL n0t g0 0utside 0f $10 a pers0n.
thank y0u.

pleae read the friendster gr0up f0r m0re inf0.

10:58 AM
a new page, a new chapter

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.

You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.


http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/
try it;
y0u will see h0w interesting h0w these things can be s0 true s0metimes.

10:53 AM
a new page, a new chapter

what happens t0 a biscuit when it turns bad?

s0ft.
disgusting.

it bec0mes a trash.

12:40 AM
a new page, a new chapter